If there were a tried-and-true way to make sure children turned out according to plan, someone would’ve found it by now.

And if they had, I’m sure that many of us would be tempted to follow it; but I hope that none of us actually would. Because isn’t it true that the hardest thing about raising teens—stepping back while they figure it out—is also one of the best things?

Raising Messianic Jewish teens is no different. In my work discipling youth, I’ve had many opportunities to watch and learn as kids navigate the complex layers of their identity. I’ve met teens who are grappling with passing Geometry and simultaneously worried about the antisemitism that keeps coming closer to home. I’ve seen how they experience double the excitement around the holidays—yet they’re often wondering what their Jewish grandparents will think when they visit the other side of the family for Christmas (and vice versa at Hanukkah!).

Carving out time for our village takes effort, but it’s worth it.

There is no easy way, but we do know that the only way our youth can navigate all this is precisely that: they learn to navigate it. That involves a delicate balance between both guidance from the loving adults in their life and the space to figure things out on their own.

Thankfully, there are habits and tools that can help us walk that delicate balance! Here are some of the elements I’ve seen that help teens (and their parents) along their discipleship journeys.

Good Community

A research group that studies young people learned that, of youth ages 13–25 with no adult mentors, 24% sadly say they feel their life has never had meaning or purpose. For those with even just one adult mentor, that number drops to 6%¹. Having people who care is a big deal.

In other words, never forget rule number one of parenting: don’t go it alone! God willing, you and your kids have a mishpocha (extended family) to do life with. Whether your village is literal extended family, your church or Messianic congregation, or some combination of those things, don’t let the busyness of the teen years pull you away from it.

It can be so natural to lose the priority of focused fellowship when we’re shlepping to soccer, to school activities, and to friend events (parenting teens does involve a lot of shlepping). But we’ve also seen the difference it makes in a young person’s life when they are able to spend time with peers and safe adults who are also learning to follow Jesus. (And that can create opportunities for you to give and glean inspiration with other parents!) Carving out time for our village takes effort, but it’s worth it.

Every teen will encounter situations where they have to decide for themselves who they want to be.

When I look back on my own journey as a teen, I realize that many forces came together to help me choose Jesus, choose life—and that this happened over time. I remember in particular one Jewish believer who became my mentor (and she still is!). She didn’t drop one heavy conversation or “lecture” in my lap and then leave. Rather, she shared many conversations over a season of doing life together.

And I’ve found in my own ministry to teens that sometimes the seemingly little shared moments are actually part of a bigger, longer conversation—even a lifelong one.

A Chance to Grow

When Yeshua walked among us, he lived, traveled, talked, and ate with his disciples. He did life with them—and he also gave them chances to try (and fail) to follow in his footsteps.

I remember the first time I was really given the chance to follow in my mentors’ footsteps. Being thrown in as a camp counselor at age 16 was definitely intimidating, but my faith became my own in ways I’d never expected it to.

Not every teen will have the desire to serve as a camp counselor. But every teen will encounter situations where they have to decide for themselves who they want to be. As parents and mentors, it’s so challenging not to swoop in and try to fix things when those moments happen. And yet we know in our own lives that the places where we had to figure it out became the moments that made us stronger (not always right away, but eventually). Or as one of Jesus’ first Jewish followers put it, “The testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:3 NIV).

Now I know that when our teens face a test, it’s really a chance to grow—and a chance to grow is just what they need sometimes. And when we sit back a little to watch (and pray) as they navigate it, that’s a way of showing them that we have faith in them, that we trust them to figure it out. And that our home, our friendships, our family, are safe places to just be for people in process.

Of course, giving kids the space and time they need doesn’t preclude discipleship … just as inviting a village into our lives doesn’t mean we’re outsourcing parenting. It just means that parenting teens toward faith takes our own walk of faith—knowing when to speak, when to listen, when to just be present. It may be more like a dance than a walk!

On days when the walk feels fragile and days when it feels steady, teens will have their own journey to God, just as the ones who’ve gone before them have had. We lead and shepherd—but ultimately, we entrust them to the Shepherd who cares even more about their stories than we do.

Learning Together

Jewish thought leader Abraham Joshua Heschel said,

The teacher is not an automatic fountain from which intellectual beverages may be obtained. The teacher is either a witness or a stranger. To guide a pupil into the promised land, the teacher must have been there themselves.²

When kids see their parents and mentors turn to God in the hard moments, that is an example they remember.

A life of faith is something we don’t just talk to our teens about; it’s something we actively show them. And maybe the best way we show them is not that we have all the answers, but that we know where to go to seek them.

I’ve had the honor of walking with many families on the long journey of discipleship (struggles included). And I’ve noticed that when kids see their parents and mentors turn to God instead of away from him with our questions and our hard moments—that is an example they remember.

One of my students, Tim*, attends our weekly youth Bible study. I’ve watched him grow this year as we study the book of Mark. He regularly shares prayer requests for others at his school; and recently, during our prayer times, he’s been the first to volunteer to pray for everyone else’s requests.

Watching one of our youth go to God in prayer every week gives me strength to continue the work of discipleship. This is why we do what we do—so they can learn to go to God with all their worries and cares. Until one day (often before we expect it to happen!), our youth are the ones inspiring us.

*Name changed for privacy.

Endnotes

^[1] Springtide Research Institute, The State of Religion & Young People 2020: Relational Authority (Minnesota: Springtide Research Institute, 2020).

^[2] Abraham Joshua Heschel, I Asked For Wonder: A Spiritual Anthology (1983), quoted in “Jewish Parenting,” Sefaria, accessed May 27, 2026.