OYVANGELLYCAL — What Moses said when the children of Israel dropped their manna and jelly sandwiches in the family ox cart.
FUNAMENTALISTS — those who always enjoy life because they use their heads.
MISPENSATIONALISTS — those who don’t like to use their heads.
MILLINARIANS — those who wear hats designed to last for a thousand years.
A-MILLINARIANS — those who don’t like hats and never wear them.
CHAIRISMATICS — automatic motorized seats for tired people.
LACTARIANS — those who drink their coffee or tea with milk in it.
PRELACTARIANS — those who put milk in the cup before adding the tea or coffee.
POSTLACTARIANS — those who add milk after pouring the tea or coffee.
PRETROUBULATION PERIOD — that moment when you’ve plugged in the coffee pot, before it starts to perk, and you’ve forgotten to put the lid on.
THE GREAT TROUBULATION — When you come back 10 minutes later and the paper towel dispenser is empty and someone has ground up the sponge in the garbage disposal.
THE RAPTURE — not a joke, but what you wish would happen right now before you have to deal with the mess.