OYVANGELLYCAL — What Moses said when the children of Israel dropped their manna and jelly sandwiches in the family ox cart.

FUNAMENTALISTS — those who always enjoy life because they use their heads.

MISPENSATIONALISTS — those who don’t like to use their heads.

MILLINARIANS — those who wear hats designed to last for a thousand years.

A-MILLINARIANS — those who don’t like hats and never wear them.

CHAIRISMATICS — automatic motorized seats for tired people.

LACTARIANS — those who drink their coffee or tea with milk in it.

PRELACTARIANS — those who put milk in the cup before adding the tea or coffee.

POSTLACTARIANS — those who add milk after pouring the tea or coffee.

PRETROUBULATION PERIOD — that moment when you’ve plugged in the coffee pot, before it starts to perk, and you’ve forgotten to put the lid on.

THE GREAT TROUBULATION — When you come back 10 minutes later and the paper towel dispenser is empty and someone has ground up the sponge in the garbage disposal.

THE RAPTURE — not a joke, but what you wish would happen right now before you have to deal with the mess.