The following recipe comes to you indirectly from the kitchen of the Jewish/lsraeli mother of one of our Liberated Wailing Wall alumni:

Israeli Eggplant Salad

1. First buy an eggplant—unless you don’t like eggplant, in which case why are you bothering to read this recipe?

2. Next, cut the eggplant into small cubes.

(How big an eggplant? The lady didn’t say. Make it as big as you need. What size should the pieces be? She didn’t tell us that, either. Make them as small as you like for polite chewing.)

3. Salt the eggplant cubes and let them stand. (Actually lie in the bowl is more appropriate language. Did you ever see a vegetable stand up?) So let the eggplant lie, sit or stand for one or two hours to draw out the moisture—two hours if you’re patient, one hour if you’re in a hurry.

4. Cut some onions and fresh parsley into small pieces (see quantity and size description in step #2 above).

5. Do the same with fresh garlic cloves (again, see size description above). Wait a minute—peel them first! (The quantity depends on who lives or works with you or near you. If you or your associates hate garlic, leave it out, but in that event, we do not guarantee the results of this recipe, and please, for goodness sake, don’t call it Israeli!)

6. Fry the onions, garlic, parsley and drained eggplant cubes in oil. Olive oil is preferred, but any good quality shortening is O.K.—except please don’t use lard. That’s pig fat, and this is a nice kosher Israeli recipe!

7. Salt and pepper the fried ingredients to taste. Mix in mayonnaise or tomato sauce (see quantity description above, or stop before it resembles soup instead of salad).

8. Serve this as an appetizer to your adventuresome family and guests if you dare. (If you try this recipe and don’t like it, please don’t write the Jews for Jesus Newsletter editor. If you must complain, write to the Liberated Wailing Wallees.” Of course, if you do like the recipe, they will enjoy hearing from you that much more. They like receiving mail on the road. It keeps them from getting homesick.)