|PERFORMANCE FACTORS||FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS||EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS||MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS||NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT||DOES NOT MEET MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS|
|Quality||Leaps tall buildings with a single bound||Must take running start to leap over tall buildings||Can only leap over short or medium buildings with no spires||Crashes into buildings when attempting to jump over them||Cannot recognize buildings at all, let alone jump|
|Timeliness||Is faster than a speeding bullet||Is as fast as a speeding bullet||Is not quite so fast as a speeding bullet||Would you believe a slow bullet?||Wounds self with bullets when attempting to shoot|
|Initiative and Stamina||Is more powerful than a locomotive||Is stronger than a bull elephant||Is as strong as a baby elephant||Thinks he’s Dumbo, the baby elephant||Tries to fly, but ears will not flap|
|Communication||Talks with God face to face like Moses did||Talks with the angels||Talks to self||Argues with self||Loses those arguments|
|Adaptability||Walks on water consistently||Walks on water in emergencies||Floats on water||Gets easily winded when doing the dog paddle||Sinks rather than swims|
Editor’s Note: This unusual piece was sent to us by some friends of our ministry (who shall remain nameless, so please do not ask who they are). We have modified and adapted it for Newsletter use. We found It amusing. If you do not, please do not complain; just ignore it.