Unlikely Pastoral Candidates From The Bible

If we could turn back time and send a church committee to investigate a number of Bible heroes for the position of pastor, every one of them might be disqualified. The report would probably go something like this:

The committee regrets to report that the candidates in question have failed to meet our qualifications.

Noah—Even though he has preached for 120 years, he has no converts. This indicates a credibility gap. Besides, a certain account (we refer to Genesis 9:21) seems to indicate that he has a drinking problem.

Abram/Abraham—We find it odd that he has two names. Is he using an alias? And if so, why? Also, we learned that he has stooped to bending the truth when it suits his purposes. Another matter we must question is whether he is the head of his own household. His wife laughs while he converses with God, and she also likes to take charge of a matter before God acts on it. If Abram and his wife would agree to take some personal counseling, and also some marriage counseling, he might work out at some later time.

Moses—We were impressed with Moses, except for two severe problems. He has been known to lose his temper once in a while. Furthermore, while he seems to have the necessary perseverance for preaching, his stuttering and stammering would defy all speech therapy.

David—So far as David is concerned, he seems rather talented in writing music and poetry, but we don’t know if he can preach. Worse yet, he has had a few moral lapses. We could not have him as pastor, but perhaps at a later date when the church can afford it, he could be considered for a position as minister of music.

Solomon—Like David, he spends too much of his time writing. And besides, he has such a lavish lifestyle and so many dependents that our church could not pay him enough salary.

Elijah—Regarding Elijah, no one can doubt that he is a powerful preacher. Nevertheless, is the sarcasm he sometimes employs necessary in this day and age? Also, we cannot overlook the fact that he has a tendency toward self-pity.

Isaiah—Now there’s a person who is well thought of, but there seems to be a serious PR problem. Can you imagine a preacher who upon meeting God, instead of addressing Him politely says, Woe is me”? If Isaiah greeted people in church that way, no one would ever feel welcome.

Jeremiah—We need an upbeat preacher for our church—one who can make people happy. We feel unanimously that Jeremiah would be too depressing in any church position.

Matthew—His background is finance, not religion. He would probably preach like an accountant, and we would get too many sermons on stewardship.

Luke—Again, his background is not in religion. He was a physician. It seems strange that he would leave such a lucrative profession unless something unsavory had occurred in his practice of medicine

John the Baptist—He’s certainly a good preacher and he gets good results, but he dresses very strangely. And worse than this lack of pulpit decorum, he eats very strangely. What if he brought a honey-dipped insect casserole to one of our covered-dish suppers?

Peter—Peter seems to show leadership, but the last thing we need is a preacher who carries a sword around, is likely to take off and go fishing at the drop of a hat and smells like fish most of the time! We could not have him as pastor, but maybe we could undertake his partial support as a part-time missionary to seafarers.

Paul—Paul is reputed to be a great preacher, but he is very moving. That is, he is always moving here and moving there. So how could he keep his mind on ministry when he always wants to be somewhere else?

Which all goes to show that we can find fault with almost anyone if we consider only the negative aspects. Maybe we should start a new therapy group in the church called “Fault Finders Anonymous!”


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