I remember sitting on daddy’s lap my pretty one” he used to say “give daddy a nice big kiss” I’d smile, put my chubby arms around his neck real tight then plant a big messy kiss on his rough cheek I remember the first day of school, boy was I scared we lined up in the schoolyard I was the shortest so I stood in front was everyone looking at the hole in my sweater? I hoped not I remember when mommy had a baby It cried and cried all the time but that was all right after all, hadn’t it been locked in mommy’s stomach for a long time? I remember Betsy she was my very best friend we did our homework together and talked about things like the time when we would be wearing lipstick and going out on dates
I remember thinking life wasn’t fun anymore daddy dying, mommy always crying it just wasn’t fair I remember being alone a lot thinking about what happens when you die about how lonely that must be but the rabbi said “daddy was a good man” and I could keep his memory alive by being a good person too. Was he just saying that to make me feel better? I remember thinking I’d never be happy again
I remember the next few years were filled with attempts at happiness join a club! get politically involved! like to try some grass? sex means I love you…no, therapy’s the answer join the movement! find meaningful relationships? I remember being confused unsure of this enigma called happiness and I remember the day that confusion ended the day I met the Holy One of Israel.